I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
