toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
