Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
