so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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