I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
