The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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