My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
