I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
