I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
