gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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