Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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