my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.