I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging