Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched