I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol