that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar