My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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