just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
