The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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