Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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