i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize