She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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