Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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