It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Less talking, more tequila
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
