I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
