whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
