just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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