Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
