Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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