I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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