if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
