I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
