you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
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I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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