she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
