I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
