Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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