dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
