It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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