I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
