I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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