Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
