I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
