She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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