i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
