Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
