she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
