If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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