where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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