hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
