I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
