i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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