Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
