Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize