you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
