Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
