You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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