dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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