Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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