im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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