im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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