my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The uberlube is also flammable
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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