Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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