Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.