Are we in a gay sports bar?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.