True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo