And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun