final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us