I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
