I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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