We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
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my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend