He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
did i just pee glitter