I bet he comes in French.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...