I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?