Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.