how can u be prego again
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have already put on my inside pants.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
